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A drinker’s decanter

Julian D. A. Wiseman

Publication history: privately circulated as a PDF file containing pictures of the design, but, having failed to find a decanter manufacturer willing to make, published at Usual disclaimer and copyright terms apply.

Great aunt Edna wants a decanter as table decoration. Her bridge-playing friends are coming for lunch, and she wants to serve wine from a decanter that makes a statement. Brash! Modern! Striking! And—though the thought is quite horrific—Sexy! Good for great aunt Edna.

Meanwhile, you, the reader, a presumed hedonist, occasionally host a tasting of some variety of fine alcohol. There are several of you around the table, and more decanters on it. Everything is carefully tasted, flavours discussed, notes taken, vintages preferred (1963 for port) or dismissed (the over-rated 1983). Then you set about an evening of drinking. Marvellous—by the finish everybody will be well oiled. But this means that you want a decanter for use by serious drinkers. What is such a decanter?

I looked for a drinker’s decanter that does all these things, and could not find one. So a deal was done: <your company name here> received my design and these words, in return making me a set of such decanters. And, out of the goodness of their hearts (alright, probably for commercial reasons), <your company name here> now make available to you The Wiseman Decanter—named after its designer—in return for a paltry amount of hard currency.

Finally, please be merciful. Don’t tell your great aunt: she likes her decanter. It’s brash, modern, striking and even sexy. And her friends never drink much before playing cards.

Julian D. A. Wiseman

PS: I have asked <your company name here> to enclose a copy of this rant inside every decanter box—if it is a gift, the recipient will know your reasoning.

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